The Mansplaining Problem in Pickleball
Let me start with a summary: If you don’t want to be my pickleball partner, then don’t volunteer to be my pickleball partner. If you want to be my pickleball partner, DO NOT pretend to be my hired coach whose job it is to correct my technique on every single volley.
Now I’m going to try to air my grievance without cursing, which will be no small feat, because not only am I a native New Yorker, where the F-word is as common as bread & butter, but my brother is a Marine sniper, so I’m very familiar with the full gamut of common expletives. The F-word is very much on the tip of my tongue right now after my latest cringeworthy pickle game, which is why I’m writing today.
I began playing pickle in May 2022 in a gym where people are randomly assigned partners at lower skill levels. (The more advanced players use a different set of pickle courts.) Each game lasts about 15 minutes, and then you get back into the queue alongside other random people, awaiting your turn to play again in a crowded gym.
Now keep in mind, most people who play pickle have been exercising and/or playing sports, off and on, their entire lives. And we’re older people, typically in the 50-75 age range (sometimes even older!). So we know how to approach a physical activity as beginners and ramp up our learning curves.
From the beginning, I noticed that playing alongside ladies was quite pleasant. If they wanted to give me pointers on rules or technique, they’d politely ask if I minded the occasional instruction. I didn’t mind at all. There’s a lot to learn: scoring, where to stand when your team is or isn’t serving, when to rotate side-to-side with your partner, the different ways to serve the ball, what counts as “out of bounds” and what doesn’t, what the heck is “the kitchen?”, and much more.
Here I am at the pickle court having a great time, running around, hitting the ball, and aiming for improvement.
So what’s my beef?
Mansplaining. About 20% of the male players who play near my skill level seem to think it’s their job to be my coach, as if I’ve never previously played a sport, am too stupid to figure out which aspects of my play & rule comprehension need improvement, and that I welcome their input. They literally comment on my room for improvement after every single volley.
In actuality, the unending barrage of instruction completely throws me off my game. Instead of staying focused on (a) playing the game the way I know how and (b) watching for opportunities to improve my serve or my stance or my net game, I am running the jerk’s repeated comments through my mind and wincing in anticipation of how he’s going to instruct my technique again after the next volley.
Maybe these guys have Asperger syndrome, which is much more common in men than in women. I’ve only met one woman who incessantly comments on my pickle skill level, whereas I’ve already met half a dozen men who do so. My Dad has Asperger syndrome, and he can be rather dense with social interactions, so I recognize the affliction.
If these men don’t have Asperger syndrome, I can’t imagine why they think it’s acceptable to give me constant instruction. When we switch players and they’ve got a male partner again, I’ve noticed that they’re not commenting on their male partner’s skill level. They save that gift for the women.
Guys, just cut it out. It’s not your job to tell strangers how to play pickle, no matter their skill level, unless they very specifically ask you to coach them. If you normally keep a running soliloquy of instruction toward your partner after each volley, STOP. It’s extremely annoying and unnerving. The next time you pair up with a woman on the pickle court, practice saying NOTHING other than “nice shot” or “good serve”. I promise you, all of your instructional suggestions are harming your partner’s performance because she’s dreading your next comment, and the next, and the next.
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Crista Huff is a hedge fund portfolio manager who writes on many topics, including politics, economics, investment markets, healthcare, child-rearing, gardening, Christianity, sociology, and psychology.
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